This post won't make a lot of sense. I am coming to the end of my time in England (this time around, anyway). Soon I will be returning to Michigan. To my loving family, and my wonderful friends, and to the familarity of my home. And I am also going back to something completely different than what I have been used to here for 10 long--yet short--months. And it's going to be a bit hard because I am leaving home again.
Among the people I am going back to are the supporters who got me here. Well, God used their obedience in sending me the finances to get me here. I have no idea what to say to them. I left it far too long. My church's mission board expects a response from me, an update. A report is what they called it actually. They want to hear how their money was spent. What I did, what I learned, what this Transit thing was all about........haha, what a great question!
So instead of actually thinking of what I should write, or say, to them, I am writing on here, whining about the fact that I don't know what I have learned and it doesn't seem like I learned enough to warrant having used their money. (But I grew SO much,and I know that!) I feel like I have betrayed them in some way by using their money. I think it's because a lot of this year was simply learning by doing, and it wasn't going out on the streets and preaching. Something for which I am thankful, but my church may wonder what on earth I did, if I didn't do that. (And by preaching, I actually mean witnessing, and getting out there and sharing my faith with strangers, something I did do naturally a few times this year, but never out of the blue in a traditional "let's go out on the streets" way. Sometimes I was supposed to do that, but I never did. It happened at parties, and while stuffing bags full of brochures......It happened by accident. I preferred it like that. I hope people get what I mean. Obviously, I am still growing in this area.) How was their money spent? On food, sometimes on travel, and of course on toiletries, which were kind of necessary.
I myself earned a lot of money to get here. I spent a lot of time in prayer, begging God to get me here, to let me do Transit, so that I could spend a special set-aside time learning about Him in a place in which I felt He was so much at work, more powerfully than I had ever known, but I wanted to know! That may sound stupid, but it's true. That IS why I did Transit! And to me, it was worth it. Every penny. I am afraid of what my church's mission board will think of me when I tell them how their money was spent, and the things I learned are things that can only be shown in how I have changed, and how I am now-- on the inside. I feel like I will be expected to have changed in dramatic ways.
I don't think I'm ready.
1 comment:
o my dear!
I don't think you should worry. I do not know your church, but I would venture to say that they will be thrilled simply to hear that you grew closer to the Lord. I know you wanna put an emphasis on going on the street and preaching and you feel like cuz you didn't do that so much they won't be happy or whatever. But I don't think that's true. OF course, witnessing IS important and all that, but it also IS important for you to grow in your own walk. You must grow to witness! Well not completly, but you understand what I'm saying?
I just think that you should not worry. I'm thrilled that you think you grew. That's it.
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